Addiction's Aftermath

I have been clean for at least 4 months now, this includes methadone. I am very proud of myself and so is everyone that cares about me. There are so many "things" that come along with addiction and recovery. Even though I am clean, I am still struggling very hard with the demons that lead me to the drugs in the first place. I am trying to figure out how to live a "normal" life without drugs. It seems trivial, but it is actually one of the hardest things I've ever done. I feel like an alien that has landed on a different planet. Nothing is the same being clean. It is generally all for the better, but I am having a horrible time trying adapt to a world where I am not always high. I have days where I feel like the world is going a million miles around me. My mind runs wild with all these new thoughts... I didn't do too much thinking when I was numb and noddding off from heroin. Then there are other days that I feel depressed and I think that it would almost be easier to just go back and use. I know this is not true, but it's how I had always dealt with my depression in the past. I don't know. Today I feel like shit. I feel like I can't do anything right or enough for anyone. When you get clean, everyone expects a lot more. I understand, but honestly, a lot of times it feels like it's just too much to deal with. I really hope someone starts to reply to my blog. I want to talk to other addicts, recovering addicts, or just anyone that has an opinion on addiction. I don't mean to sound desperate but having a support network as an addict or recovering addict is very important. I thought I would give this option a try. Lets see what happens.