Hello everyone! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. I know I did. It was amazing to be around my family for once and not think about using the entire time. I chose not to let those thoughts enter my mind. I chose not to let sad memories of loved ones who have passed keep me depressed all night long. I chose to make the best out of whatever happened, and guess what? Due to those choices, I had one of the best holidays ever. I seriously mean the best; ever.
There are so many times throughout each day that I am faced with tons of choices. Everyone is. In the past, I usually made the wrong ones or would avoid making a decision until it “went away.” Obviously those two approaches didn’t work out. Had I not chose to choose to make different choices, I would still be an addict. People sometimes (including me) underestimate the power of decision- making. Making just one small wrong choice can lead to the “snow ball effect” and bad things just keep piling up until it may feel it is all too much to bear.
Deciding to use hard drugs was one of the worst choices I have ever made. It may sound humorous (duh!), but I DID have a choice. I did not have to use those drugs for the first time, or second, that would eventually lead to my addiction. I chose to hang out with people I knew were bad influences. I chose to disobey my parents from a very early age. I chose to enter rehab, get out, and use again. I chose to use that large quantity of heroin after my two month clean, stay in rehab, and overdose. I chose that. I was choosing to leave my family and friends for drugs. I was choosing to give my life up to drugs.
Eventually, I finally made the best decision I have ever made; to get clean. At first, it seemed impossible. I had used for so long, I didn’t even know how to act without being high. I was also very pessimistic about going on methadone to quit using heroin. I told myself I was just replacing one drug for another that just happened to be legal. Once I was in the methadone program, I chose to continue to use for a while. I didn’t think it was going to work; just like everything else I had chosen in the past. My efforts had failed me before. In my opinion, God finally took over for me, seeing I was unable to make the right choices. He put certain people at the clinic for me to meet and connect with. He helped me choose, eventually, that it just wasn’t worth it all anymore. With God’s help (among many others), I was able to complete the methadone program! This in itself is a large accomplishment. I am proud of myself. Methadone is actually said to be harder to come off of then heroin itself. Trust me, it wasn’t easy. Making the right choice never seems to be easy. I wonder why that is?
Do people choose to do the wrong thing because it is easier? Do people choose to do bad things because it’s easier just to throw your hands up and say “That’s it; I quit!” I believe both of these are correct, and if you throw some evil in the mix; Satan as I would say, then it is almost certain most of us will make the wrong choices. We need to learn to be able to recognize when we are making bad or good choices.
Sometimes we don’t even realize we are making a choice until after the matter. Another way we can learn to make better choices is to start by making small ones at first. For example, instead of going out to a bar next weekend, choose to stay home and watch movies with friends and family. By making a lot of small good choices, eventually we can work up to making bigger, ones. I know this is one of the approaches that I have chosen to use.
Sometimes, in my life of recovery, making the easiest choice seems to be so hard because I am so scared of making the wrong choice. So I take the approach of asking God and loved ones for advice (even for simple decisions), and I usually go with their answers. A lot of times choices need to be made on my own without advice from others. The way I choose to deal with this is to; say a prayer that I make the right decision, THINK about the possible outcomes and just do it! I am still wrong a lot of times, I’m sure I will be wrong quit often. I just need to make sure that I LEARN from these wrong choices, so next time I’ll know to make a better one.
Learning from mistakes is one of the biggest parts of recovery. In fact I think it could be considered one of the biggest life lessons everyone should know. We need to think before we choose and act on all of our choices. Life is full of them. From now on I am going to see how many right/good choices I can make. I know life will be better this way, how could it not be?
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