Fighting the "Demons" Within

I use the word demon to define “issues” that someone is battling within themselves. I use this term for many reasons. As an addict, I have faced many horrible things. As a result of these negative experiences I have found myself fighting many parts of myself that were never there before I was an addict. I also call them demons because they are so horrible. To me there is a difference between having an “issue” and fighting a demon. Demons stay inside of you for a long time. They could stay there forever unless you choose to exercise them. If you choose not to deal with them, they will haunt you for the rest of your life, and ultimately you will never get better as an addict (or over any character flaw for that matter).

I am not going to list my demons on here. They are mine and I choose to deal with them in many different ways. Listing them on here, would be irrelevant. I do want to share just a few ways that I have learned to deal, and ultimately kill some of my demons though.

First, and foremost, I believe in a higher power that I choose to call God. I use Him as my main platform for battle. I pray ALL the time. I pray before I go to bed. I pray when I wake, and I pray all throughout the day. I am not a follower of any organized religion, so I do not abide by any particular “rules” or rituals. I simply call out to my God when I need Him most, and believe that He is truly there, I also have recently began to read the Bible. I have never read it all the way through. It can be tedious because there are a lot of things in it that I don’t understand at all. At the same time, there will be many times when I will be reading and I feel like God specifically wrote those words just for me. Without my belief in God, I do not personally think I would still be alive today.

A second way I battle my demons is through the use of my “support system.” To me, my support system consists of God, my family, my soul-mate, and a few TRUE friends. I am SO blessed in this aspect, as there are many addicts who have no support. My loved ones have put up with so much crap from me that I really can’t believe that they still love me, and are willing to be here for me. When I feel like using, I talk to one of them. When I am upset about something that has happened in the past that is still haunting me (a demon) I turn to one of them for re-assurance. The past is the past and there is nothing I can do about it except learn. A final aspect of my support system is unconditional love. None of my loved ones put any restrictions or conditions on the love they have for me. They love me no matter what. If they didn’t do this, I don’t think that their support would mean nearly as much. In return I love them the same way. I thank God everyday for these people, without them, I don’t think I would have made it through.

A final aspect I use to battle my demons is self-will and determination. This is by far the hardest to practice. It gets easier with time. What I do know is that I have made up my mind to never return to that horrible world of addiction that I lived in for so long. I refuse to let myself slip back in to that horrible place. I know if I ever did, I would surely die. As a recovered addict, I don’t want to die any more. I see so much for my future!  I want to stick around and see what God has in store for me. There are a lot of days where things are very hard or I get very upset about something, but I have to remind myself “I will not fail anymore!” Positive self-affirmation is very powerful. If I believe I can do something, and I put my mind to it, I can just do it. I try to stay as positive as I can no matter what. This is very hard, as life can be very trying at times. I assure you that if you keep a positive and willful self-esteem in your recovery, you will do well. If all else fails, I resort to my first “weapon,” I pray. Pray, pray, pray.

There are other things I do to battle my own personal demons. For example, I am an artist so I do art when I am feeling overwhelmed or negative. Ultimately, it is up to you to find your own “weapons” to fight your demons, if you are and an addict and truly want to recover. Find things in your life that you enjoy (or used to enjoy). Start a new hobby, etc.  If you don’t have a strategy in place for when you get clean, I can almost reassure you that you will fail. In order to get and stay clean, you need to get rid of what led you to the drugs (or alcohol) in the first place. Until these demons are removed or at least recognized, you will continue to try to bury them by any means necessary. You may get clean, but in some destructive form or another you will eventually find something to try to mask these demons. They won’t go away on their own. Go to battle. Look them straight in the face and let them know, this time you are serious. You want your life back, and this time you are going to win, you will prevail.