Stepping Stones

Lately I have felt like I have hit a wall in my recovery. Like I am better, but not as much as I should be. I have been praying to God for answers of what to do next in my life and I am not hearing anything. I haven’t written for quit a few days because I feel “stuck.”

As I was lying in bed last night I pictured myself on a rock crossing a river; looking for the next stone to help me cross, but I looked all around and couldn’t see one.  Where am I supposed to go next? What am I supposed to do with my life now that I have gotten clean? I want answers! I feel like I am just drifting along doing nothing now.

It has occurred to me today that maybe I’m just supposed to chill out and stay on this rock for a while. I am doing something. I am learning patience. I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin without drugs and/or alcohol (yes, I have quit drinking as of the New Year). I guess I will take time to enjoy the scenery and all that is around me for the moment. I might need to learn all that it is on this “step”; maybe I have yet to learn a valuable lesson. Maybe what I have learned just hasn’t sunk in enough.  

Who knows maybe tomorrow the next “stepping stone” will appear to me and I can move on with my life. Why am I in such a hurry to go somewhere I don’t know anyways? I need to learn to be content with what I have and where I am no matter where it is in my life. I need to stop thinking my life is so bad all the time too.

After watching the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti, I had to laugh at myself for thinking so foolishly. I have it made. Those people there… God help them. It is so sad. It is a true awaking to see that life isn’t half as bad as you thought. So for me, I’m going to learn to be content with where I am and be thankful for everything I have.  I am truly blessed. I have made it out of addiction alive and I have a loving significant other, family, friends, a home, food, water… life isn’t that bad at all.  It could be so much worse. I thank God everyday for all that I have.  So for now, I am going to be happy with the stone I sit upon until God shows me the next.