Going to detox a couple times seemed to help some. It helps to be medically detoxed off heroin, but you have to do something more then just spend a few days in detox. Perhaps not everyone needs further treatment, but I highly doubt it. You need to face the demons inside you that lead you to the drugs in the first place. You can’t do this on your own, I don’t care how “strong-willed” you think you are; clean or not. I am not suggesting any particular approach to dealing with your addiction, as all cases are different. Everyone needs to decide by themselves along with loved ones and perhaps with medical professionals. I'm not saying go to rehab either. What you NEED to do now is nothing but reach out to those who love you UNCONDITIONALLY. I cant stress that word enough- someone who puts conditions on their love for you, even when you are at your lowest, doesn’t truly love you.
Anyhow, in my case rehab seemed to be my only other option or I was going to die out there on the streets, either from a bad batch or an overdose- after all I was a “newbie” to the heroin scene and I acted like I fit right in with the ones who had been using for years. Some of them even told me “Cassie, at this rate you will be dead VERY soon- if that’s what you’re going for, then you’re on the right path.” Indeed I was. To imagine another fellow “veteran” heroin addict telling me this! Needless to say, I still had a small piece of my heart that wasn’t blackened from all the drugs and “the scene.” I had to survive for my family- the ones that NEVER gave up on me- the ones who should’ve been the first to turn their backs, but they never did. They loved me UNCONDITIONALLY. Anyways, I entered rehab for my second time. This time stayed for over two months.
I eventually ended up using there and got kicked out. The day I got kicked out, I was on one mission; to get as high as possible. Well, lets just say, I got my wish, I overdosed in a park. I had a couple other people with me and thank God, one did CPR on me until the ambulance came. I remember waking up on the ground with my shirt and bra cut open, the E.M.T.’s all around me telling me how lucky I was to be alive. “Lucky? They have to be kidding right?” I wish at the time they would’ve just left me for dead. I just wanted them to leave me alone so I could finish shooting up. “That was some good dope, I had thought.” Wow, the fact that that even crossed my mind is insane! I didn’t care all those people were working to make sure I was ok; I just wondered what happened to my bag. I was so pathetic.
I used heroin again only two or three days after being released from the hospital. I was even worse yet. I really just wanted it all to end by then. Look what I was putting my family through! My mom was a mess and my brother had the saddest look in his eyes when he would look at me. I didn’t want to see my loved ones hurt any more because of me. So I set out with it in my mind to use as much as I could as often, to hopefully eventually just die. Very quickly, however, I ran in to a dead end. I couldn’t for the life of me get any more money. I had nothing to pawn, nothing, or any means to get any more heroin at all. That was it; I knew I was going to get “dope sick.” After lying in bed for a good 3 days sicker than ever I asked mom for the one last hope for my life and that was to take me to a Robert J. Criss Reclamation methadone clinic, which she did.
While walking in to that clinic I realized then that this time I had TRULY hit “rock bottom.” This was my LAST hope. If this did not work, I was going to end up dead. As I learned more about the program though, I started to realize this is what I had needed all along; moral support and medical help to come off the heroin safely. It turned out to be the final step towards my path to recovery. God allowed all of these horrible experiences in my past to happen to me so I could end up there. God, the methadone, and unconditional love saved my life.
I didn’t want this paper to be about my experiences really. I didn’t even want it to be about one or two particular drugs. There are so many that could be put in the place of the ones I mentioned in this story. I ulitmatly just wanted to portray what a drug addict faces everyday, the way they feel, and the reasons why they act the way they do. I was a drug addict and a very bad alcoholic for at least 10 years. By the grace of God, the UNCONDITIONAL love from my family, friends, and the love of my life. I have managed to complete the methadone program and completely start a brand new life. I have never been so happy- ever. I can’t say that all of my problems went away after I got clean. Actually that’s almost humorous because getting clean is honestly just the first step.
Having a direct, loving support system is one of the first main things I suggest. Reach out to those who still love you. Don’t tell them sorry over and over because they wont believe you (or anything you say for that matter,) they are still healing themselves. Just reach out to someone and hold on for dear life right now. The point is though, you have SOMEONE. You need people that will be by your side when you want to go use, or when you need to talk or someone or have them listen to you about the demons that are inside of you that you. You will be battling them for a LONG time even after you become clean.
This is also one other main thing you MUST do after you get clean; face your demons! No matter what they may be, you must learn to deal with them in a CONSTRUCTIVE manner. You must face ALL of them, not just the main one or the “easier” ones. You may need to seek professional help depending on what your issues are. Either way, if you don’t get to the root of the source, you WILL ultimately use again. This is also another cold hard fact in addiction. As hard as it may be to deal with your issues, it will be even harder to get clean again- if you can even manage that (which I highly doubt). Or it will not be as hard as having your family members come to your funeral because you were too selfish to deal with some issues you were to scared to deal with.
So what’s it going to take for you to get clean? An overdose? A friend dies from a drug-related death? A few stays in a rehab facility? Or will you just take the time to think about those who love you unconditionally and ask yourself “Am I ready to start living for ME and what my future with these wonderful people, or do I want to stay in this Hell alone and watch ALL my loved ones eventually fade away?” Hold on to those few people that do care. There may not be many left at all by now. There may be only one (perhaps only God or a Higher power)- but please, as a recovered addict just reach out and someone will take your hand and hold it the entire time, I promise! It will NOT be easy at all, but it CAN be done.
There will be so many days you will just want to go back to the “easier way out,” but think about that statement. Is it really the easier way? Was it that easy to live in such a hellish existence? Was it really that easy to look your family in their faces and lie? Was it really that easy to steal, lie, cheat, and all the other horrible sins you committed? If that was easy for you, maybe you should go back to using because you obviously don’t have a conscious left, but I believe that most human beings are naturally good people. Some are just dealt a bad hand that needs a little extra help and support.
What addicts really only want is someone to love them NO MATTER WHAT. Also, for someone to talk to and listen about the issues that lie deep within them that are eating away at their soul. If addicts can’t talk about why they use, how are they supposed to stop? Others that are not addicts need to learn to quit stereotyping addicts and educate themselves on addiction. They need to understand that the addict they are dealing with didn’t ever want to hurt them on purpose. They were by definition of addiction; “temporarily insane”. They were driven by a “monster within.” The addict is still that same person you loved before all of this happened. You just need to reach out to them now, don’t make them feel worse than they already do. Guilt is the worse emotion to arouse at this point. If they ever needed your help in their life, it is now. After addicts and non-addicts both shed the stereotypes. After we begin to deal with our anger and frustration in a constructive manner. After we lie down at night and remind ourselves of those in our lives who we truly love, it is then we can start to move forward in the right path together. Then will we then be able to begin to start helping those who really need it, our brothers, our sisters, our moms, our dad. Our families; each other.
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