Thursday, July 8, 2010
Crying
I am so sad today. I can't really put it in words why. I just am. I can't stop crying. I am still filled with guilt. I pray all the time for God to help me deal and it doesn't seem to help. I ask for will-power, nothing. I don't want to be an addict... omg... I just wish I could take a pill and make it go away. It's constant suffering. I can pretend I am happy a lot, but when I am alone, I usually just cry, or try to sleep so I wont cry anymore...at least for that time. I have gotten suggestions on how to pray, what to say, but it seems like no matter what I say, I hear NOTHING! My soul is tired and my heart aches. God why wont you help me? Please dry my tears? I know life wont ever be close to perfect, but I know it can get better then this. I shouldn't say that because I am so blessed with a loving family, friends, and companion... I don't know... I just don't know...I just want to stop crying.
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Your words here sound like your own Psalm; your own lament to God. When we read the Psalms, we read words not only of trust and praise, but also of lament and asking God for help. God hears your cry, God sees your tears and God cares about you. The saints before you also knew pain (Paul spoke about a thorn in his side and boasted that strength is made perfect in weakness). These are hard words to hear now, but I want to encourage you to keep the faith, continue praying, and know the presence of your God in the ways God speaks to you, and in the people God puts in your path.
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